Minecraft, p.1
Minecraft, page 1
Diary of a 6th Grade Zombie
Book 1: The Intruder
Copyright © 2015 by Mine Kid
All rights are reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise.
This unofficial novel is an original work of fan fiction which is not sanctioned nor approved by the makers of Minecraft.
Smashwords Edition
Table of Contents
Day 1
Day 2
Day 3
Day 4
Day 5
Day 6
Day 7
Day 8
Day 9
Day 10
Day 11
Day 12
Day 13
Day 14
Day 15
Day 16
Day 17
Day 1
When you are spawned as a Zombie, the first thing you think is probably not (definitely not): “Oh, great! I am a Zombie, and now I have to go to school to learn how to become one.
You know you can actually learn how to become a real Zombie? The only condition is to be spawned as a Zombie. That only makes me think and ask myself: why on block do I have to learn that if I am spawned as a Zombie… unfortunately me questioning my life doesn’t erase the fact that I have to go to school, five days a week, for years and years to come.
Instead of going around having fun and scaring humans, I have to spend an entire eternity at school.
Well, not an eternity… I might be exaggerating, but that's only because I have already spent 5 years going to school and learning something I was spawned to do: scare Humans and Villagers.
If you are a Human or a Villager, you probably think we look exactly the same – which is completely untrue. But that's okay – you are just a Human and your perception of Zombies is justified (although it is wrong).
Oh, yes…I almost forgot. My name is Growling Jake and tomorrow will be my first day in 6th grade. Only a hundred years more to go and I will be done with school…
All right, I admit it…I am exaggerating again, but there is no other way to explain how I feel about having summer vacation come to an end. All summers should last forever and it should be a matter of law – if only Zombies had laws and only if I could decide them…
Here we are! This is our dearest school!
Now you might think this is just regular scenery of a random forest at night. But that is only the case if you are not a Zombie (chances are that you are Human)
When you arrive at the scene, you see trees growing thick one next to another, but if you dare to approach you will hear some growling sounds – lots of them. We go to school at night. Sunlight pretty much hurts so we try to avoid it.
During the day, I don’t sleep – we can’t sleep because we are not actually alive. We are spawned that way and that is something we just need to get used to whether we like it or not.
On the bright side, I have a lot of time – all time in the world (unless you run into Humans that are so afraid they would rather attack you and slay you). But I don't always get to do things I like with my time. At night, we go to school and during the day we stick to the shadows practically do nothing except avoid the sun.
The sun looks beautiful, but it hurts as much as it is nice to observe it as it rises and sets.
When it sets, our time begins. There are less Humans around and we are safe. Not that I am afraid of Humans… I am really not scared of anything. How could a zombie even fear Humans? That’s impossible, right?
Well you would know it is quite possible if you were a Zombie…Hah!
Being in contact with Humans until we are fully mature and finished with the Academy is strictly forbidden. That is probably why Humans are not aware that the Academy even exists… They are not familiar with the term: “teenage Zombie” as they have never seen one.
Tomorrow my life as a 6th grader begins – got to get ready for that by doing absolutely nothing!
Day 2
Like every day for the past five years, Rotten Joe was waiting for me at the entrance of the cave I lived in with my parents. Some of us lived in bushes, some lived in the abandoned mines and other Zombies felt most comfortable in the caves, like my family did.
My mom had one job: to make a good Zombie out of me. That was a good thing but what I didn’t appreciate much were my mom’s attempts of keeping away from doing anything even remotely fun.
So, my days before school would look something like this:
“Hey, mom, I was thinking of dragging to the beach…”
“No. Not safe.”
“Hey, mom, I was thinking of taking a walk to the abandoned mine across the forest…”
“Nope. Not safe.”
“Hey, mom, I was thinking about watching Skeletons practicing archery with Rotting Jake…”
“No way. Not safe.”
“Hey, mom, can I just…”
“No.”
“But I didn’t ask you anything yet…”
“Not safe.”
Argggggggggggghhhhh!
Of course I can’t growl in front of her and show her I think she is being over-protective, so this growling just echoes my thoughts.
Sometimes I ask my dad for permission before I even think about going over to my mom for one of her “No. Not safe.”
My dad used to be a Villager. He lived in a Village leading a rather boring life as I understood: building things, growing things, and eating things. And every day was the same. Then got bitten and turned into a Zombie Villager.
He was planning to get back to his village and get a cure for his Zombie-ism (apparently there is a cure for that if you were turned into a Zombie from being a Villager) but then he fell in love with my mom.
That sounds YUK! But that is just the way it is. Who can understand parents anyways? (I know I can’t)
He was different before obviously – I think he looks better as a Zombie – Villagers look funny…
Here is how a conversation would go with my dad:
“Hey, dad, I was thinking about taking a walk around the woods.”
“Ask your mom.”
He knows that my mom will say NO, so in order to avoid rejecting me, consequently becoming a “not cool parent”, he hands out that responsibility to my mom.
“Be safe! Don’t get lost, don’t get slain and don’t get near Humans!”
That's what my mom always says that as she watches me walk to school.
“Hey, Growling Joe!”
“What’s up, Rotten Jake?”
Rotten Jake was always waiting for me at the same spot. School very close from thre, but considering we are extremely slow because we have to drag ourselves to move, it takes us a while to get to the Zombie Academy.
First Class:
Human Language 101
Day 3
First day of school was quite tough. Not only did I not understand anything of our first lesson in Human Language, but we also we had a new Zombie in our class.
His name was One-Toe Jack and he was everything I didn’t appreciate in a Zombie: a pompous bully that loved to brag about things I am sure he had never actually done.
It was clear to me that 6th grade was going to turn into living Nether with One-Toe Jack around.
You should know that the Nether is everything but pleasant with hot steaming boiling lava and fire pools bursting out of the ground – no days, no nights: only darkness. That’s exactly how I feel about One-Toe Jack.
The class had barely started with our teacher introducing us with Human Language and the new zombie had already started bragging.
“The importance of Human Language lies in understanding what Humans are intending to do when attacked by a herd of Zombies…”
One-Toe Jack interrupted the teacher and started to talk in a language we couldn’t understand.
So, instead of hearing Growl-arghh-rargh-growl, he was saying something like:
“Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah…”
Didn’t understand a thing… However, our teacher seemed thrilled and pleasantly surprised.
Our human language teacher, Mr Zombie Jacob obviously likes his outfit, and probably believes it helps focus our attention on him– he is probably right as it is impossible not to notice that painfully white suit…
“You are One-Toe Jack if I am not mistaken.”
“Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah…”
One-Toe Jack was bragging again, answering in what I now believe was Human language.
“I see you are quite familiar with Human language and I believe you will do great in this class, young Zombie. I see a sparkle of hope in you!”
It was the first time ever that I actually saw a Zombie sparkling as One-Toe Jack was glowing in pride, blinking and triumphing. If he says another blah-blah word, I think I am going to lose it and…
I am getting carried away now, aren't I?
Yes, I am.
All right, I need to calm down.
“How great is the new Zombie, huh Growling Jake?”
Not you, Rotten Joe! How can I be the only one that sees how fake One-Toe Jack is and how he just loves all the attention you are giving him!
So, you think I am just jealous of our new Zombie? Nooooo. Nope. No. Not the case. Nah. Never.
I am not jealous. Especially not of One-Toe Jack…
I observed One-Toe Jack as our teacher explained the basics of Human language. Maybe this is the reason I was unable to learn a single thing in the class
The problem was that he just seemed too perfect!
Everyone gathered around him after school as the sun was slowly rising. They all seemed thrilled by his presence and it seemed like everyone including my best friend wanted to hang out with One-Toe Jack.
One-Toe…what kind of name is that anyways???
“So, One-Toe Jack…”
“Yes?”
“Ummm, so, how come you speak Human language... this was our first class ever.”
“My dad taught me.” He answered very politely.
Everyone looked thrilled by him and I could hear the comments:
“I wish my dad taught me that!”
“Awesome!”
“You are such a brainy!” – We have no brains so that was a bit funny. I didn’t laugh though as I wanted to appear as serious as possible.
“Huh…I see. And where do you come from?”
He had an answer for everything, shooting them out as if learnt by heart.
“I come from Zombie Island.”
“Wow!”
“Cool!”
“How great!”
“Awesome!”
…again with the annoying comments of praise for our new perfect "friend".
“Why are you bullying him by asking so many questions?”, Rotten Joe was pinching me, obviously embarrassed by my behavior.
Ouch! That hurt!
“Look! There’s your brother, Growling Jake!”, Rotten Joe was thrilled with presence of my little brother, obviously hoping I would stop interrogating One-Toe Jack.
Maybe I was the bully here…maybe One-Toe Jack was really just a perfect Zombie…I felt bad about myself.
My little brother was spawned as a Chicken Jockey (good for him as he is faster than any Zombie dead or alive – we are all technically dead though).
As a Chicken was wondering around the spot where he was spawned, he ended up being turned into a Chicken Jockey – one of the fastest mobs in the World of Blocks. I wish I was that lucky. I can’t be envious of him though, as he is super cute!
What I envy him for, however, is the fact that our mom and dad let him wander around – which I am not allowed to do.
“No one can catch him, my dear…that is why he can go where he wants…”
That was a justified but cruel reason.
On top of the complete freedom he enjoyed, he also didn't have to attend the Academy as he wasn't really a Zombie…
He was always silent and never talked, so I enjoyed his company. He was in reality the best little brother a teenager could wish for.
“Let's walk home, little brother?”
He nodded as the sun was slowly rising.
Day 4
Even our teacher of Offense liked One-Toe Jack – and he didn’t like anyone. He was a Zombie Pigman and there is practically no mob that Zombie Pigmen really like.
His class was one of the most important subjects of study for Zombies and all undead mobs overall, so everyone had to listen to him closely.
It wasn’t the knowledge we were silent for – we were all intimidated by his looks although none of us, including me, would admit that.
Mr. Zombie Pigman was half Pigman and half Zombie, which could easily be inferred by his name. One part of his body was rotten and looked as if it was about to fall apart while he was speaking and the other looked something like a Pigman – only hundred times scarier.
He was rigid and tough – that's why I was surprised he liked of our new Zombie who I still find suspicious.
We were listening to Mr. Zombie Pigman teach us about offense.
“When breaking into a house, you are first required to break the doors. You will do that by…”
“Repeatedly hitting the doors as Zombies are unable to open the doors using pulls Humans refer to as doorknobs…”, One –Toe Jack interrupted.
Mr. Zombie Pigman became silent and we were all waiting for him to let his rage out and show our newbie that he should be silent in his class. I was really hoping for that to happen.
But it didn’t – and it was quite the opposite.
“Excellent observation…your name?”
“One-Toe Jack, Mr. Zombie Pigman.” He was shining and glowing in a way that you could have got him mistaken for a living mob. He almost looked too alive, rather than having that dead expression zombies are supposed to have…
“Excellent, One-Toe Jack. I will certainly reward your knowledge and observe your progress here at the Academy…”
All of a sudden I was faced with the strong urge to puke – dead mobs can’t do that I guess, so I didn’t.
Day 5
With every day of school I became more suspicious of One-Toe Jack. The first thing I did when I got back home yesterday was to ask my dad a couple of questions:
“Hey, dad…”
“Hello, son? Did you enjoy your day at the Academy?”
“Yes, yes…of course…I really enjoyed it…what else could I say about my favorite place?”
I was a bad liar, but my dad was even worse at detecting lies…
“So, dad…how come you didn’t teach me Human language?”
“Human language?”, my dad looked unusually confused.
“Human language, yes…” I confirmed.
“Oh, yes, yes…that's right. I heard you have a new subject now at the Academy…that's nice.”
“New?”
“Yes, new…we didn’t have Human language classes back in the day…that's why I was not able to teach you how to speak Human. “
What? Then I might be right…I most definitely am right!
What do you mean: right about what? Well, of course about One-Toe Jack! What else…
“I am glad to hear the Academy is keeping the classes up-to-date with modern times. It is time Humans and Zombies understand each other…”
I left my dad with his belief that we were learning Human language for diplomatic purposes – we weren’t of course. And there is no way they could ever learn our language…although… I think I know what is wrong with One-Toe Jack, but let me not jump to conclusions.
Day 6
I've been observing One-Toe Jack for five days now. He is excellent in school– he knows everything about Zombies…but he also knows everything (and I mean literally everything) about Humans. This is a bit strange as there is no way a teenage Zombie could know so much about humans – after all we are not allowed to walk around Villages and Human houses until we are fully grown up.
As I knew Mr. Zombie Pigman was a war veteran and a specialist in Offense, I decided to ask him about the Zombie Island One-Toe Jack had mentioned once.
When I arrived at school with Rotten Joe, we were told to go back home. School was cancelled for the day.
“What?? Why?”
“How? What happened?”
You could hear questions coming from every corner of the Academy but there were no answers.
I went looking for Mr. Zombie Pigman, but he was nowhere to be found…
As I was leaving, I saw One-Toe Jack glancing at me and curving his lips in strange way. I had never seen a Zombie do that…
Day 7
“Hey dad, where exactly is the Zombie Island?”
“Zombie Island?”, he was growling clueless.
“Yup. That’s the island I am asking about.”
If the island existed, which I highly doubt, it would be scary and cold and cloudy and days would be shorter and Humans wouldn’t have weapons – a true Zombie paradise. I know such thing could not exist… I might be a teenager, but I am not naive.
“I am really embarrassed to admit….but…I…” My dad looked nervous and confused.
